A Little Update

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Because there is going to be some disruptive construction work to address a leaky basement issue in the near future, I have to move all the plants out of the back end of the front garden in order to keep them from being destroyed when work begins. My apple tree is very popular with the local birds and squirrels which have been busy helping themselves to the abundant green apples on the tree. This creates a big mess because they tend to eat a bit of an apple, it falls to the ground, then they move on to another apple. Every day I'm throwing away pounds and pounds of green apples, as well as lots of fallen leaves, when I sweep the yard. All the bending associated with digging, uprooting, replanting, sweeping and collecting has done a number on me and I've been hobbling around with pains in my lower back for over a week. It was so bad one day I didn't get out of my bed. In spite of the pain, I love my garden.  My harvesting has begun and I'm already thinking about what cool weather crops to plant before the frost hits. I suppose I'm a sucker for punishment.

My personal garden show is non-stop and ever surprising. This week I was greeted by white and lavender Rose of Sharon flowers. I never even saw them budding because I was totally captivated by the beautiful caladiums that were showing off at their feet...er... roots. I was also surprised by morning glories on my front fence. Last year they took forever to bloom but this year they came up sooner than I anticipated. And my plum tomatoes are all blushing, leading me to believe I'm going to have a bunch of them ripening at the same time. Mmmm, I see homemade tomato sauce in my future.

In addition to my outdoor activities, I've been working on a baby scrapbook for my youngest grandson. He's already over a year old so I'm frightfully behind on this project but I'm almost done. I'm adding a couple of pages dedicated to his early school days and I didn't have any embellishments that conveyed that schoolroom vibe so, of course, I made some. I created miniature composition notebooks, pencils and a tiny ruler that I will glue onto the scrapbook pages. As usual when I'm making miniatures,

I tend to get carried away and I made way too many for the current project at hand. I made close to a dozen books in 1:12 miniature scale before I realized the proportion was much too small for the pencils which I created without any regard to scale. So I made some more books in 1:6 scale which worked out much better. I glory in the details when I make miniatures so these books contain actual ruled pages that can be turned between the traditional black and white covers. The one inch square grid they're on gives you an indication of their actual size.

Oh yes, I am truly a sucker for punishment.

Ballo ergo sum
- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Personal Musings on the Issue of Depression

In light of the recent death of Robin Williams (I'm sooo bummed out about it) and the discussions about depression that have arisen in its wake, I would like to add my personal observations.

In the early 1990's I discovered I was suffering from depression. I say discovered because I was not clinically diagnosed nor was I ever treated for it. So how did I know I was clinically depressed and not just feeling a temporary case of the blues? I read it in a medical pamphlet in a pediatrician's waiting room. During a routine visit for one of my children, I picked up one of several informative pamphlets the office offered as reading material. This one happened to be on depression and I chose it because I suspected it as the source of my malaise. It contained a checklist of symptoms of depression -- constant fatigue, decreased energy, not caring about personal appearance and/or hygiene, feelings of helplessness, feelings of hopelessness, excessive sleeping, insomnia, not wanting to get out of bed, loss of interest in activities once considered pleasurable -- the list went on. As I ticked off the symptoms that I had been experiencing I came to an uncomfortable and sad realization -- I was indeed clinically depressed. Of all the symptoms on the list, only two of them didn't apply. In retrospect, I strongly suspect that postpartum depression was the culprit but it didn't matter. What did matter was that I was in a place I didn't want to be, didn't know how to get out of and had no one to talk to about it. In spite of having friends and family, I felt totally isolated and lonely, as if everyone in the world had moved on with their lives and had left me behind.

When you're in a depressive state, nothing anyone says really matters because you're unable to process and internalize it. Words roll off you like water off a duck's back and you feel as if no one understands what you're going through. That, in fact, is true. No one does, at least no one who hasn't been through it themselves. And even those who have don't necessarily know what to say or what to do to make a difference. In my case, I felt as if I was trapped in a hole and couldn't climb out. The only thing that kept me going was the need to care for my three children, one of whom was a newborn, another was a toddler and another was a a young teenager. They were my lifeline and the thing I focused on. I knew they were counting on me and I wouldn't let them down, no matter how bad I felt. I owed them that and my commitment to their welfare was fierce.

Eventually (perhaps a couple of  years or so) I was able to climb out of that black hole of despair (without drugs, I'm happy to say) and return to some resemblance of a fully functional human being but I can't put my finger on any one thing that triggered my recovery. What I can say is this: Depression is real. It is not a cry for attention. It is not something you'll "get over" quickly. It IS something that is very misunderstood and it manifests itself differently in everyone. Some people slowly make their way back to life. Others fall deeper into a pit of despair. Take it from one who has been there and back. Depression is real, its scary and it is no joke.

Here is a link that I found very informative and may help you should you find yourself or someone you know in a depressed state. Remember this...there is help if you look for it. Be well.

Ballo ergo sum 

- Gitana, the Creative Diva

Kitchen Wizardry - Rugelach

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After rolling the rugelach.

My family and I love rugelach. For those of you who are not familiar with this delicacy, Wikipedia defines it as "a Jewish pastry of Ashkenazic origin". It is essentially a crecent shaped pastry made of cheese dough and filled with fruit preserves. I've been buying them at Costco for years but in recent months the price of the rugelach has gone up and the quantity has gone down so I decided to see if I could make some of my own.

After adding the cinnamon sugar topping.

I found a recipe online here that appeared to be simple enough and I decided to give it a go. It was quite the  experience and I learned a few things. First thing I learned was not to make rugelach in the summer. Because of the high cream cheese and butter content, this recipe created a very soft dough made even softer by the heat in the kitchen. Trying to work with this dough was like trying to tie egg whites into a knot. The second thing I learned was that the quantity given for the fruit preserves wasn't quite enough. I nearly doubled it in order to have enough for all the dough. The third and most important thing I learned was that with this recipe you have to work FAST because the dough gets softer and softer as you manipulate it. Turns out that if you keep the dough AND the cookie sheets chilled as much as possible, the process becomes a bit easier. Oh, and one more thing. The recipe calls for rolling the dough into a circle, adding the filling then cutting it into wedges like a pizza pie. Don't even think of using a knife to cut that dough. You'll make a big mess. Use a pizza wheel instead. Soooo much simpler. 

Ta-daa! Delicious.

The finished rugelach didn't look anything like the store bought variety and I was sure that my first attempt would be a disappointment but to my amazement that was not the case. They turned out delicious (albeit not very attractive). They tasted every bit as good as the ones I was used to buying. My husband quickly became enamored of the fresh baked delights and insisted on tasting them continually to make sure he wasn't mistaken. Even I thought they turned out wonderfully and I'm my worst critic. 

I guess I will now be expected to bake rugelach from now on instead of buying them. Next time I think I'll use an apple filling made from the apples on my tree. Hmmmm. Wanna guess what I'll be doing this fall?


Ballo ergo sum
- Gitana, the Creative Diva